The Expat Files: Living in Latin America A guide to moving to Latin America, finding work, and settling in.

September 15, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #888 SUN, SEPT 15 (09-15-2019): `

 

#1- Why Smart People Can’t Learn Spanish:

How long does it take for the average Gringo/Expat to learn Spanish?Oddly enough, the ability to learn Spanish does not seem to be related to IQ. There are many smart and creative long-time expats with very bad Spanish…     

#2-How NOT to get nailed for customs and immigration duties and taxes on stuff you bring down to your new Latin country:

Today we’ve got some great packing tips to avoid that scenario and save you a lot of grief and dough..

#3- Some Eggspert advice concerning “driveway chickens” and their eggs, versus store bought so-called “free range” chickens and eggs.

There is a difference…

#4- Small towns in Latin America- are they safe?

As a rule, most Latin towns under 50,000 population are quite safe, but there are some notable exceptions. Today the dope on the how, where and why…

#5- The “Apostilling” facts:

What you need to know about “Apostilling” documents for residency. You’ll need to have that done in advance for the immigration slugs in your chosen Latin Country

#6- Johnny’s week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America is scheduled for Friday, Jan 11th through Thursday Jan 16th, 2020.

To get on the early-bird sign up list, email theexpatfiles@gmail.com.

Join me on my January 2020 adventure and get a 2 to 5 year head start on your own “Plan B” (providing the world doesn’t implode by then!)

#7- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

September 13, 2019  
Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #887 FRI, SEPT 13 (09-13-2019): `
 

#1- Costa Rica- A Con Man’s Paradise:

A collection of unbelievable “boots on the ground” Costa Rican rip off stories. Don’t let this happen to you!

#2- Some Gringos and Expats will make it a point to ditch their boring past and completely re-invent a more exciting version of themselves:

Everybody wants to be a “somebody” and you’d be surprised how many Expat artists, writers, adventures and entrepreneurs are really just damn good bullshitters who, in a past life, were just ordinary mundane plumbers, firemen and meter readers. Unlike up in the states, when one is down in Latin America, pretenses can be perpetuated indefinitely and even have a life of their own.

#3- What you need to know about Latin American adoption agency scams and rip offs:

#4- Argentina is falling apart at the seams (I told you so!):

Yes that bloated, corrupt Argentine government is at it again, bankrupt and ready to default on their sovereign debt. Thus, they have instituted currency controls and that’s always the beginning of the end. So how bad is it? Well, one now must ask for written permission from one’s own bank and the government to withdraw YOUR OWN money from your own US dollar account. This will not end well... (did I say I told you so?)

#5- The gentle art of car theft in Latin America:

What you need to know to protect yourself so it doesn’t happen to you!

#6- Three simple tips on how to thwart ID theft in Latin America and elsewhere: 

#7- Johnny’s week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America is scheduled for Friday, Jan 11th through Thursday Jan 16th, 2020.

To get on the early-bird sign up list, email theexpatfiles@gmail.com.

Join me on my January 2020 adventure and get a 2 to 5 year head start on your own “Plan B” (providing the world doesn’t implode by then!)

#8- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

 

September 8, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #886 SUN, SEPT 08 (09-08-2019): `

#1- Everything you wanted to know about Electric cars and the availability of EV charging stations in Latin America

#2- Latin country Illiteracy and the strange case of “The Comic Book Cure”:

#3- The truth about Child Labor and truancy in Latin America:

#4- Can you learning fluent Spanish in 2 Months?

I know one smart Gringo who did just that. He accomplished that feat from Illinois without ever stepping foot in Latin America or taking an online course or having a Spanish speaking girlfriend or even attending a single Spanish class. It is possible to do and we’ve got a “boots on the ground” story today to prove it…

#5- Bitcoin, cryptocurrencies and your “Plan B”:

How Bitcoin saved one gringo’s life and taught him how the twisted world “really” works. Its today’s second “boots on the ground” story…

#6- Johnny’s week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America is scheduled for Friday, Jan 11th through Thursday Jan 16th, 2020.

To get on the early-bird sign up list, email theexpatfiles@gmail.com.

Join me on my January 2020 adventure and get a 2 to 5 year head start on your own “Plan B” (providing the world doesn’t implode by then!)

#7- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

September 6, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #885 FRI, SEPT 06 (09-06-2019): `

#1- It seems every month Latin governments are creating new hoops to jump through and inventing new obstacles for gringos and expats on the way to obtaining residency:

 #2- Everything you wanted to know about the infamous FBI “good conduct report”(aka: “Rap Sheet”):

You’ll need one when applying for most Latin Country residency. Yup even Guatemala is requiring one now (they were the last holdout)

#3- Is there anything wrong with having a European 2nd Passport and starting a “Plan B” in Europe rather than in Latin America? 

#3- Dialing “911” in Latin America:

Yes, all Latin countries have a similar emergency dial up service these days. The question is, what is the ambulance response time? Or could it be that ambulances are on “manana” time too? Well, knowing how Latin Cops respond to police calls you wonder (and hope) if Ambulance will show up at all. Today we have the dope on the subject.

#4- Another round of Clueless Gringo stories sure to scare the poop out of you: 

#5- TSA Airport Shakedowns:

Is there any limit to what those rubber-gloved lard-asses can get away with once they’ve singled you out for a more “complete” and “invasive” inspection? Today we have three very interesting boots-on-the-ground stories that will make you laugh… and cry    

#7- Johnny’s week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America is scheduled for Friday, Jan 11th through Thursday Jan 16th, 2020.

To get on the early-bird sign up list, email theexpatfiles@gmail.com.

Join me on my January 2020 adventure and get a 2 to 5 year head start on your own “Plan B” (providing the world doesn’t implode by then!)

#8- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

September 1, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #884 SUN, SEPT 01 (09-01-2019): ` 

#1- Beware of Sharks and other Gringo-eating creatures with big teeth: 

#2- Latina Ladies and those amazing Hour-Glass Figures- PART 2: 

#3- The Trouble with Backpackers: 

#4- Another round of Clueless Gringo stories sure to scare the poop out of you: 

#5- EMP dangers and 5-G in Latin America:

The consensus is in. 5-G is coming to Latin America. It’s inevitable and a real health hazard. So today we discuss how to protect yourself as they roll it out.

#6- What do you mean, I have to “Apostille” my documents to apply fo Latin Residency?

What the heck is an “Apostille anyway? Does it have to do with the 12 Apostles or something? Why I ain’t even Catholic! 

#7- Johnny’s week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America is scheduled for Friday, Jan 11th through Thursday Jan 16th, 2020.

To get on the early-bird sign up list, email theexpatfiles@gmail.com.

Join me on my January 2020 adventure and get a 2 to 5 year head start on your own “Plan B” (providing the world doesn’t implode by then!) 

#8- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 30, 2019  
Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #883 FRI, AUG 30 (08-30-2019): `
 

#1- The truth about Poop-hole Countries in Latin America (and elsewhere):

It turns out the depth and breathe and actual skankyness of such places can be quite subjective, and very much in the eye of the beholder.. 

#2- So You Have a House or Condo in Latin America to rent out?

Today we discuss maintenance, marketing, upkeep and selecting a property manager. 

#3-Some Tips for the Ages:

Gringos, Expats and Tourists please shut up and leave your American politics at home.. PLEASE.

Today we touch on this delicate issue as well as other sage advice concerning your behavior in Latin America 

#4- The Trump Effect in Latin America:

Is there one? 

#5- Listeners know Johnny discourages people from moving to Mexico but why?

We all know its cheap and Cancun is nice..  

Meanwhile, entire Mexican local city police forces are continuously being decommissioned, arrested and jailed for mass corruption.

That’s interesting, but does that have to do with anything? 

#6- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s upcoming week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just email theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. The next event is scheduled Friday, Jan 11 through Thursday Jan 16, 2020 (providing the world doesn’t implode by then)

 #7- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

 

August 26, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #882 SUN, AUG 25 (08-25-2019): `

 #1- The truth about English Language, tourist targeted, newspapers, magazines and other rags:

Every tourist and gringoized area has a few of them and they’re usually weeklies or monthlies and are almost always free. But as they say… nothin’ is for nuthin’ and you get what you pay for (same with this show..Ha!)     

#2- Power outages in Latin America and why you really need a “PORTABLE” SOLAR POWER UNIT:

Today we discuss my recommendations and tips regarding portable solar power units. We’ll talk about my personal picks for all-in-one packages that will power up your basics (TV, Smartphones, computer, refrigerator lights) when there’s a momentary outage or the grid is down. This really good advice is not just for gringos and expats living in Latin America either. Soon enough poop will be getting pretty hairy up in Cleveland too!       

#3- The state of Utility Companies in Latin America:

Private versus Public utility ownership- why gringos and expats vastly prefer private ownership while the locals greatly prefer public (government slug ) ownership 

#4- Rating the Toilets of the World (someone had to do it):

Yes, it’s a report whose time has come, so today without further adoo.. doo, we discuss the good, bad and the ugly in the commode department. Nope there are no “great” porcelain thrones out there, but there are quite a few ecofriendly dual-flush jobs, to which a sane person can only exclaim… Jesus help us! … or maybe just plain WTF!

#5- The real reasons Ecuador threw Julian Assange under the bus:

What you have not been told by the Lame-stream Media and why, after listening to this screed, it’s doubtful you’ll ever want to execute your Plan B in Ecuador. 

#6- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s upcoming week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just email theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. The next event is scheduled for early January, 2020 (providing the world doesn’t implode by then) 

#7- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 23, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #881 FRI, AUG 23 (08-23-2019):  

#1- When Gringo Business Ideas Flop:

The more boots-on-the-ground experience, the more functional business ideas will pop into your head. The optimal word is “functional”. Yet there can still be problems. Sometimes gringos and expats have very very good business ideas that just happen to be a year or two ahead of their time and thus don’t pan out. Today we hammer on that subject..   

#2- How Johnny Discovered Monday is Enhanced “Butt Check” Day in most Latin American Plastic Surgery Offices:
Yup, Butt Check Day. Say what Gringo! Well, today we have one of Johnny’s craziest boots-on-the-ground adventures of all, 100% true and uncensored! You won’t want to miss this… 

#3- Thoughts in the ominous arrival of 5G in Latin America: 

#4- For Coffee Lovers Only:

Today we have some Latin American Coffee culture tips you will really appreciate 

#5- One of Latin America’s biggest (legal) growth industries is dental braces for Latinas.

Dentists can barely keep up with the rush and for two reasons: the first is function of course- to fix crooked teeth. Secondly, for the kid and family to demonstrate that the family is upwardly mobile, socially and economically.    

#6- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s upcoming week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just email theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. The next event is scheduled for early January, 2020 (providing the world doesn’t implode by then) 

#7- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 18, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #880 SUN, AUG 18 (08-18-2019): `

 

#1- Making Life Easier While Traveling with a Portable Water Filter:

Everyone (except some stubborn backpackers) knows it’s not good to drink tap water when you travel (or even at home for that matter). Today we discuss water mistakes gringos and expats continuously make while on the road, combined with some of Johnny’s great hacks on how to make your own absolutely pure water on the run. Your goal should be to avoid the funky local bottle water brands of unknown quality at all costs.    

 #2- MEXICO SUCKS AS A “PLAN B” DESTINATION, YET PEOPLE REMAIN IN DENIAL ABOUT IT:

Why aren’t people listening when there are 101 reasons to move south of “south of the border” and skip Mexico altogether? It’s mostly because Mexico is so easy to get to, many locals speak English and the fact that 95% of gringos and expats who defend the place either haven’t travelled to other Latin countries to know the difference, or they’re live in an insulated gringoized Mexican bubble.

However, today comes some news that should really scare any and all gringo/expat Mexicophiles…. It’s the latest, greatest and final nail in the coffin for gringos thinking of living in Mexico. Nope, this time it’s not about money laundering, kidnapping, extortions, gangs or Narcos, but about a brand new ominous, scary and arbitrary “PROPERTY CONFISCATION” law just passed this month by the Mexican congress. This new law allows the government to expropriate any and all private property WITHOUT a crime conviction, a court hearing or even an order signed by a judge! Now if this news doesn’t scare the poop out of you… then you deserve Mexico.           

 #3- How Safe is your Latin Bank?

All expats and gringos living and hanging south of the border will eventually need an account in a Latin bank or two. Problem is, in each country there are at least 20 banks to choose from. Not to mention every Latin country has its occasional bank failures where people do lose their shirts. So today we discuss exactly how to choose a nice solid bank that won’t bite the dust while you have your dough parked there…     
#4- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s next week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just send an email to theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. Providing the world doesn’t implode, the next one is scheduled for early January, 2020.

#5- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 16, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #879 FRI, AUG 09 (08-16-2019): `

#1- Wild and Crazy Airport Stories:

What would you do if this stuff happened to you?

#2- Ten things you need to know if you’re considering Colombia for your “Plan B” destination:

Colombia (along with Ecuador) has been continuously touted by rags like International Living as the next Costa Rica. Today Johnny is broadcasting from the district of Poblado in Medellin Colombia, the epicenter of the gringo diaspora. Can it be hype? Is it all what it’s cracked up to be? Is it really the next and best great gringo/expat retirement destination? Today you’ll hear the good the bad, the ugly and the great regarding Colombia, along with a cautionary tale or two… and some real jaw-dropping surprises and observations you’ve never ever heard before.     

#3- A For Men Only Rant!

Are you planning on jumping into the Latin mating and dating game?

Today by very popular demand, Johnny breaks down the common Latina lady stereotypes that are believed (and perpetuated) by gringos and expats, including some facts about those ladies with gravity-defying hourglass figures. One question that comes up all the time, “Johnny, what Latin countries and cities have the most beautiful and amazing women?” Yes, a very tough question, but today we give it a try in the most statistical and scientific manner possible… Hmmmmmmn   

#4- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s next week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just send an email to theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. Providing the world doesn’t implode, the next one is scheduled for early January, 2020.

#5- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

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