The Expat Files: Living in Latin America A guide to moving to Latin America, finding work, and settling in.

August 23, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #881 FRI, AUG 23 (08-23-2019):  

#1- When Gringo Business Ideas Flop:

The more boots-on-the-ground experience, the more functional business ideas will pop into your head. The optimal word is “functional”. Yet there can still be problems. Sometimes gringos and expats have very very good business ideas that just happen to be a year or two ahead of their time and thus don’t pan out. Today we hammer on that subject..   

#2- How Johnny Discovered Monday is Enhanced “Butt Check” Day in most Latin American Plastic Surgery Offices:
Yup, Butt Check Day. Say what Gringo! Well, today we have one of Johnny’s craziest boots-on-the-ground adventures of all, 100% true and uncensored! You won’t want to miss this… 

#3- Thoughts in the ominous arrival of 5G in Latin America: 

#4- For Coffee Lovers Only:

Today we have some Latin American Coffee culture tips you will really appreciate 

#5- One of Latin America’s biggest (legal) growth industries is dental braces for Latinas.

Dentists can barely keep up with the rush and for two reasons: the first is function of course- to fix crooked teeth. Secondly, for the kid and family to demonstrate that the family is upwardly mobile, socially and economically.    

#6- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s upcoming week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just email theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. The next event is scheduled for early January, 2020 (providing the world doesn’t implode by then) 

#7- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 18, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #880 SUN, AUG 18 (08-18-2019): `

 

#1- Making Life Easier While Traveling with a Portable Water Filter:

Everyone (except some stubborn backpackers) knows it’s not good to drink tap water when you travel (or even at home for that matter). Today we discuss water mistakes gringos and expats continuously make while on the road, combined with some of Johnny’s great hacks on how to make your own absolutely pure water on the run. Your goal should be to avoid the funky local bottle water brands of unknown quality at all costs.    

 #2- MEXICO SUCKS AS A “PLAN B” DESTINATION, YET PEOPLE REMAIN IN DENIAL ABOUT IT:

Why aren’t people listening when there are 101 reasons to move south of “south of the border” and skip Mexico altogether? It’s mostly because Mexico is so easy to get to, many locals speak English and the fact that 95% of gringos and expats who defend the place either haven’t travelled to other Latin countries to know the difference, or they’re live in an insulated gringoized Mexican bubble.

However, today comes some news that should really scare any and all gringo/expat Mexicophiles…. It’s the latest, greatest and final nail in the coffin for gringos thinking of living in Mexico. Nope, this time it’s not about money laundering, kidnapping, extortions, gangs or Narcos, but about a brand new ominous, scary and arbitrary “PROPERTY CONFISCATION” law just passed this month by the Mexican congress. This new law allows the government to expropriate any and all private property WITHOUT a crime conviction, a court hearing or even an order signed by a judge! Now if this news doesn’t scare the poop out of you… then you deserve Mexico.           

 #3- How Safe is your Latin Bank?

All expats and gringos living and hanging south of the border will eventually need an account in a Latin bank or two. Problem is, in each country there are at least 20 banks to choose from. Not to mention every Latin country has its occasional bank failures where people do lose their shirts. So today we discuss exactly how to choose a nice solid bank that won’t bite the dust while you have your dough parked there…     
#4- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s next week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just send an email to theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. Providing the world doesn’t implode, the next one is scheduled for early January, 2020.

#5- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 16, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #879 FRI, AUG 09 (08-16-2019): `

#1- Wild and Crazy Airport Stories:

What would you do if this stuff happened to you?

#2- Ten things you need to know if you’re considering Colombia for your “Plan B” destination:

Colombia (along with Ecuador) has been continuously touted by rags like International Living as the next Costa Rica. Today Johnny is broadcasting from the district of Poblado in Medellin Colombia, the epicenter of the gringo diaspora. Can it be hype? Is it all what it’s cracked up to be? Is it really the next and best great gringo/expat retirement destination? Today you’ll hear the good the bad, the ugly and the great regarding Colombia, along with a cautionary tale or two… and some real jaw-dropping surprises and observations you’ve never ever heard before.     

#3- A For Men Only Rant!

Are you planning on jumping into the Latin mating and dating game?

Today by very popular demand, Johnny breaks down the common Latina lady stereotypes that are believed (and perpetuated) by gringos and expats, including some facts about those ladies with gravity-defying hourglass figures. One question that comes up all the time, “Johnny, what Latin countries and cities have the most beautiful and amazing women?” Yes, a very tough question, but today we give it a try in the most statistical and scientific manner possible… Hmmmmmmn   

#4- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s next week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just send an email to theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. Providing the world doesn’t implode, the next one is scheduled for early January, 2020.

#5- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 9, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #878 FRI, AUG 09 (08-09-2019): `

#1- Are there Muslim Terrorists and Terrorist cells in Latin America?

Every American wonders if terrorists can, are, or have been slipping in through the Mexican border. No one seems to know for sure, and if so, how do they do it? After all its along swim across the Atlantic for any Middle Easterner.   

For one thing, there’s confusion on the topic because North Americans are obviously not reading the Latin American Spanish language newspapers and media rags (why would they, they’re in Spanish?) But if they did the research, they would be well aware that for years, back since the Hugo Chavez days, Venezuela has been selling passports legal passports at the rate of 800 per month to middle easterners who don’t speak a word of Spanish for from $5000 to $25000 a pop. WTF?

Today you’ll get the real dope (from multiple sources) that answer the hard questions everyone seems to be secretly worrying about…      

 #2- Gringos Owning Guns in America: Ten things you need to know

 #3- Dogs and Home Security tips when living in Latin America

 #4- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s next week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just send an email to theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. Providing the world doesn’t implode, the next one is scheduled for early January, 2020.

 #5- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 4, 2019  

#1- How to sabotage your “Plan B” in three easy steps:        

 

#2- Ten ways crooked Latin lawyers gouge and scam gringos:

A compilation of actual events and alarming boots-on-the-ground stories

 

#3- When smart gringos do stupid things:

Even smart, way above average gringos can be had by con men and slick operators. Oddly enough, it’s often the smart gringo “know it all” who get sucked into the bigger scams. Latin swindlers can spot em’, and after the fact will often say they were asking for it. Maybe so.  Maybe its karma. Who knows…
 

#4- The last word on Costa Rica, and why aside from Venezuela, it’s the last place recommended for an ideal Plan B destination:

Why I'd even prefer Cuba over CR…
So today, live from the Costa Rican trenches, we have more agonizing boots-on-the-ground, clueless gringo, rip-off stories

 

#5- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s next week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just send an email to theexpatfiles@gmail.com for updates and info. Providing the world doesn’t implode, the next one is scheduled for early January, 2020.

 

#6- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

August 2, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #876 FRI, AUG 02 (08-02-2019): `

 

#1- When Gringo businesses fail:

After spending a loads of time talking about gringos starting up successful businesses in Latin America, today we talk about gringos who have FAILED in business and why. Included here are examples of 3 Latin businesses I was personally involved in that failed, so I know what I'm talking about…       

 

#2- Ten things I learned the hard way while starting a business from scratch in Latin America:

 

#3- The truth about having Latino, gringo (or Canadian) business partners:
 

#4- There are certain Gringos and Expats you DON’T want to hang with:
You will quickly learn that some gringos and expats, often found in self-help meet up groups and sports bars on the tourist trail, are despicable bastards, blowhards and worse. So today we offer some tips on how to avoid some of the very people you have left dodge to avoid. Yes unfortunately some do manage to find their way to Latin America (Note: they often hang together, don’t speak Spanish, are chronic joiners, clubbers and travel in packs)  

 

#5- Why do so many Latin restaurant, Uber and medical waiting room sound systems blast gringo “classic” rock?

What's up with that? Especially since 99% of the time only gringos and expats can understand the words (unless its Mick Jagger or Elton John, then even gringos fail to get it). Another “boots on the ground” story 

 

#6- To get on the early-bird sign up list for Johnny Mueller’s next week-long “Expat Insider Seminar” in Central America, just send an email to theexpatfiles@gmail.com for the updates and info. 
Providing the world doesn’t implode by then, the next seminar will be scheduled for early January, 2020.

 

#7- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

July 29, 2019  

#1- A few words about having your own private live-in nurse:

For retired gringos with health problems, hiring a live in nurse for $400 to $500 a month is possibly one of the greatest benefits of living in Latin America   

 

#2- Tips on hiring maids, maintenance men and cleaning ladies:

How to spot the qualities you should be looking when hiring household help, as well as how to spot the defects that should nix the deal

 

#3- Another wasted day at a US embassy:

It’s the subject of today’s frustrating “boots on the ground” story- courtesy of the lard-asses working there (and paid for by your dime)
 

#4- Proof that even Mexico’s traditionally calm and laid-back small towns and areas way out in the boonies are no longer safe for gringos and expats:

Today we have a sobering eyewitness report from a faithful listener who has been living in said Mexican boonies for the past 5 years. He believes it’s about time for him and his wife to get out and move further south

 

#5- What steps should gringos take when his or her direct deposit social security, or disability payments, suddenly get cut off:

Another boots on the ground story…   

 

#6- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

July 26, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #874 FRI, JULY 26 (07-26-2019): `

 

#1- Power Outages (called “apagones” in Spanish):

What you need to know about short but the frequent power outages- what to do, how to deal with them and how to minimize your natural irritation and subsequent pissed off state of mind.

 

#2- Maintenance men (and other Latino oxymoron’s):

If you’re not living in a hi-rise residential tower, you’ll probably contract a maintenance man or gardener at one time or another. That said, there are a few things you ought to know about handling these guys.

 

#3- When well intentioned gringo and gringa “do gooders” end up doing NO good at all:

There are often negative secondary effects of the influx of gringo do-gooders in Latin America. Unfortunately the gringo and gringa SJW’s have arrived… it ain’t pretty. But I guess it had to happen. Today we discuss how bad things happen when gringos come down and force their social and cultural biases on the locals.
 

#4- Now for the ten million peso question:

According to poll by grade school teachers, can you guess the #1 reason poor and middle class Latin kids miss school days? You’ll have to listen to the show for the answer because its certain you’ll never guess.

 

#5- An important update on eliminating what is often the biggest electric expense when you live in the tropics - air conditioning:

DYK that in the last 2 years a number of well-known companies like LG and Panasonic have come out with a line of completely stand-alone SOLAR POWERED air conditioning units? That means you can now buy a package and have A/C all the time, without ever plugging into the electric grid. Today we have the dope on that and more..   

 

#6- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

July 21, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #873 SUN, JULY 21 (07-21-2019): `

 

#1- What you never knew about “Coyotes” and how they have a two tier “door to door” pricing system:

A two-time illegal deportee Uber driver in El Salvador explains how he paid $8000 for Coyote to get him from El Salvador to New Jersey, no not once, but twice! If Coyotes don’t take checks or credit cards, how do poor and destitute Latinos come with that kind of dough? Today you’ll find out… and it’s a shocker..  

#2- Since 2015, throughout Central America, homicides and violent crimes have decreased nearly 50%:

What the hell has happened? Is it more cops? Better policing, equipment, technology, more political will? What Latino street cops say about will certainly surprise the hell out of you!!!

 

#3- The exploding growth of corrupt mega-evangelical churches in Latin America:

Just when you thought Catholics had the corner on church scandals, it’s likely just as bad or worse in those Latin American Evangelical mega-churches. Problem is, most offenses are lightly reported or not reported in the Latino media at all. Why? Because Latin America is so thoroughly Christian the media is loath to report any but the most glaringly obvious abuses.

 

#4- A boots-on-the-ground Cuba report:

A Listener who lived 18 years in Cuba and 5 years in Venezuela gives us a killer report, and a stern warning, about the ominous parallels he sees happening in the USA… he says, like Cuba, the USA is rotting from the inside out

 

#5- Dental Floss, Halitosis and Latin America:
There's something rotten in Denmark.. in macho Latin America too... 

 

#6- For your copy of JOHNNY MUELLER’S- 100 PAGE “LATIN AMERICAN HEALTHCARE REPORT” go to the following link:

http://theexpatfiles.com/healthcare/

 

#7- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

 

#8- For more of Johnny’s reports, comments, adventures, news, surprises the famous “Expat Concierge Service” and more, check out: www.thenewexpat.com   

July 19, 2019  

Descriptions- EXPAT FILES SHOW #872 FRI, JULY 19 (07-19-2019): `

 

#1- Everything you need to know about the cost of traffic fines and moving violations including the cost of traffic tickets throughout Latin America(both on and off the gringo tourist trail) including:

 

·        DUI’s and open liquor incidents

·        Driving with an expired driver’s license (or no valid license)    

·        Illegal turns, speeding and reckless driving

·        Running stop signs and/or red lights

·        Getting your car impounded by the cops. They might take it(or not), and how to avoid that stressful  eventuality.  

·        Cell phone use violations, seat-belt laws, mechanically unsafe vehicles, cracked windshields and burnt out tail and/or headlights, etc.

 

#2- What Latinos don’t know about their own history could fill 100 books:

Today we explain the rigid Latino social class system and how it relates all the way back to Columbus. Why do so few Latinos, even college educated ones, know so little about the embarrassing and genocidal legacy of the Spanish conquistadors (but then again, 95% of North Americans don’t know squat about their own history either)

 

#3- The annoying persistence of flat tires (pinchazos). What gringos and expats need to know about those experiences.

 

#4- For your copy of JOHNNY MUELLER’S- 100 PAGE “LATIN AMERICAN HEALTHCARE REPORT” go to the following link:

http://theexpatfiles.com/healthcare/

 

#5- Check out my “The Expat Files” You Tube channel. See all the fun slides and photos that go along with each show. There are now more than 150 shows posted on my YouTube channel so have a look.

 

#6- For more of Johnny’s reports, comments, adventures, news, surprises the famous “Expat Concierge Service” and more, check out: www.thenewexpat.com   

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