The Expat Files: Living in Latin America

The Expat Files

- Christmas in LA compared to the USA: Latins are 10x as nuts about it and are 10x as broke by the New Year (comparatively speaking) -The sad innumeracy of Latins in regards to credit, loans and credit cards (sound familiar?) -Some very good party advice; its unwise to admit you are an agnostic or an atheist (god forbid), and never in mixed company. If you do so you’re bound to get the leper treatment from your (soon to be former) Latin friends no matter how so-called educated and liberal they think they are. So when at a party, and are asked your religion, make big brownie points and lie if say “Catholic” (then nod and wink at your Expat friends- they’ll get it). But never say ex-Catholic, or dagger eyes will fly (to most Latins, that’s like kicking the pope in the cojones). -Loan sharking in LA; it’s legal, huge business, and the Latin public has absolutely no idea how they are getting screwed since they rarely read or even understand the loan terms (sound familiar?) - How a LA loan shark hoodwinked Expat Eddie’s girlfriend, and of course she didn’t see it coming (none of them do) -How Expat Eddie tried to single handedly change the rules of the new car selling racket in LA

The Expat Files

-Answers to even more burning email questions; -Advice and tips for African Americans and other 1st World Black Expat wanabees with an eye to relocating in Latin America -How the “Gringo Advantage” works its magic in business, as well as the love and romance department, for African Americans and how it can be a double-edged sword too. And DYK that there’s a sort of “Jamaican Advantage” in certain parts of Latin America too (say what?) -Some thoughts about having or needing an outside 1st World income like a pension or SS check -How much money do you really need to stay and thoroughly check a place out? And how long will your 5, 10, or 20 grand stake last once you get down here? -What businesses are good bets in LA and how to decide? -If you’re use to working for “the man” you can certainly do it in Latin America too- but its NOT recommended. Having your own small business is the way to go!

The Expat Files

-Answers to some burning email questions; - Why it’s NOT a good time to buy Latin American real estate, not just yet anyhow; even though (when outside of the tourist haunts) properties may seem an unbelievable deal to 1st Worlder’s like you and me. Just wait! -Some advice on buying investment property(ies) in LA as a 2nd flag escape plan (when the excrement hits the fan up in the 1st World, and don’t worry it will!) -What’s the best way for expat wannabes to educate themselves about an LA country/city they might wish move to? (besides listening to the Expat Files and Richard Martin’s ‘Wake Up Call’) -Some very good news about Latin American property taxes; and some bad news about how governments raid them (sound familiar) - What if you must fire a bad employee in Latin America? It’s simply not like sacking a guy in the 1st World -Tips on the best ways for Expat wanabees to really get a handle on real estate, neighborhoods, lifestyle and the cost of living in the Latin American country/city you have your sights on; without leaving home!

The Expat Files

-Those pesky emblem thieves and the thriving underground market for stolen chrome auto emblems. And if you have a nice car, your chrome auto emblems! -A trip to the big city “terminal”. It’s a very chaotic (but special) place where you can buy everything and anything. Where buyers ask no questions and get no receipts, where things are so cheap that it’s like garage-sale heaven 1960’s style though on a super grand scale. And though it’s wild, crazy, a lot of fun and highly recommended, there are some definite do’s and don’ts. For instance, you should never, ever, go alone! And buy the way, the “terminal” is also a huge bus terminal too. That’s why they call it the “terminal”; its where all the lower classes and the sweaty masses gather to catch the buses (and shop on the cheap). -Tips on parking your car. The do’s and don’ts -Encryption hints regarding your travel and personal documents -The continuing saga of Expat Eddie. Chapter #17; Eddie goes to the “terminal” to buy back his own stolen car parts. And when he proves they are stolen, the thief offers him  a discount! -Another Expat business opportunity; the parking lot business

The Expat Files

-By popular demand, more in depth stories and tips for Expats looking for love in LA. What you really should know about dating, mating, love and romance down here. It’s a whole different ballgame with different rules, and since you’re a 1^st World guy or gal the scales are always tipped in your favor, but there are some caveats……..

-When beautiful ‘off the radar’ beach paradises get contaminated by the Gringo dollar, a true Costa Rican story

-The truth about September/Spring romances. They’re as common as dirt in LA; both with the local Latin couples and certain older 1^st world foreigners who hook up with young Latins. In fact there’s no Spanish term for “robbing the cradle”, and no one even bats an eye even with a 25 year age spread! (unlike in the USA, where you’d not only garner evil looks, you’d be labeled a lecherous pervert)

The Expat Files

- MY kinds of Latin American tourist destinations. They’re not on your travel agent’s top 10 list (nor on their lists at all), but they should definitely be on yours. And how do you spot them? Well for starters, there are scant few gringos to be seen and often not a single US franchise like McDonalds, Subway or Pizza Hut in sight (hmm… can you say golden opportunity?)

-A few words about that special $15 leather belt with the hidden zipper compartment that every traveler should have (but no one buys, until they get robbed!)

-Notes on the new supersized tourist phenomena and how the ever expanding American waistline has affected the souvenir business

-The Expat lush; when drinking becomes a hobby and certain Expats develop a case-a-day beer habit. It’s the destiny of those who arrive in LA with laid-back retirement dreams, no desire to work and NO real hobbies. When suddenly faced with so much time on their hands, and with the beer and wine so cheap, drinking actually becomes their main hobby

-Latin American beer and wine, a quick primer

The Expat Files

-More proof that the cost of living in Latin America is half or less of what you’d spend for the same lifestyle in Jersey City -Expat Eddie’s amazing moving company experience; or how to save 75% or more on moving expenses when moving or transporting household goods in Latin America -An Expat wannabe’s top ten excuses for not taking the Latin American plunge (just yet) -Why 1^st World people DO become Expats; the most common triggers that finally push waffling wanabees into making the crucial move -Overcoming peer pressure on the home front; when your family in Cincinnati think you’re nuts for even contemplating leaving the good ole US of A. But once they actually come down for a visit, and see how you live, most have a sudden change of heart and can be quite jealous -DYK that your Social Security or US Govt. disability checks can be directly deposited monthly into your Latin American bank account? There’s no need for actual check handling or mailing at all anymore! (Bet you never thought the US Govt. had the brains to do something smart like that- must have been a mistake)

The Expat Files

-When Gringos “go native”. What happens to that certain small percentage of Expats in Latin America who decide to abandon the most of their 1^st World baggage (and standards)? -The weird truth about the those 60’s style hippies and retro-hippie clusters you may encounter in some way out parts in Latin America -The somewhat annoying downside to the “Gringo advantage”, (i.e., that positive stereotype Latins hold that nearly all 1st Worlder’s are smart, savvy, wealthy and can do no wrong) -“Neither a Lender nor a Borrower Be” - Bennie Franklin or, how I got stung for $25000 by my own Costa Rican lawyer; the many, many reasons why you should never lend money to a Latin, no matter how good the interest rate seems or much collateral he offers!

The Expat Files

-More driving tips and road safety advice

-Tips and rules for driving cars through Latin country boarders

-Air bags and seat belts; your car may appear to have them but...

-When anal retentive Expats decide (or are forced) to “go native”

-What happens when Expat artists try to make a living in Latin America

The Expat Files

- A word on Googling the major daily newspapers in your Latin country of choice (they’re in Spanish of course) and how to easily translate them. But they also have English language ones. And here’s the scoop on those rags! -In tourist areas like Costa Rica and Panama, certain very telling news articles (in Spanish) never hit the English papers because they unmask local governments for what they really are, malignant. The advertisers figure prospective tourists mustn’t have too big a reality dose, it would hurt business. -DYK that during election time Latin American candidates not only get the usual crank phone calls and death threats (like they do in the 1st world)? They actually get kidnapped in large numbers and a few get murdered (by the opposition party)! Candidates take elections very seriously down here not because have any desire to help their country; rather, everyone knows the guy who wins has a license to steal and seriously enrich his friends and family. -The bureaucratic saga of one nice lady who tried her damndest to donate blood to a public hospital in Lima Peru, to no avail. -Another surefire Expat business opportunity explained. One with a very low capital outlay and with guaranteed 1st World profits