The Expat Files: Living in Latin America

The Expat Files

Water Wars - Part 2: - Pulling a fast one with bottled water labeling down here - lies and more lies. - Sun-baked bottled water,... that’s exactly what you’re drinking (but they won’t put that on the label). - Two very excellent (and dirt cheap) alternatives to bad bottled water (though one’s ugly and one’s pretty). - Why many dirt poor rural dwellers have cheap (or even free) access to ultra-pure water when better-off city dwellers continue to drink the swill (and don’t even know it). - Email questions on detailing a house in exotic hardwoods (and other high grade materials unavailable to the common guy in the 1st world), and all for the price of cheap pine.

The Expat Files

Banks and Bank Accounts - Part 1: - Why opening a simple passbook account can be as simple as brain surgery. - Traveling to LA any time soon? Leave your kids at home...PLEASE! - Changing money without getting gouged. - Counterfeits, counterfeits everywhere. How can you tell the real thing? - Those ‘know your customer’ banking laws have just landed down here, courtesy of a tsunami of narco money and thieving politicians. The result?... a blizzard of paperwork (just like in the 1st world). - Having a lawyer open a bank account for you... good idea or not? - Transferring money using your lawyer’s escrow account a good idea or not? - Why you absolutely need a debit card from a local bank, and how to get one in a hurry.

The Expat Files

Renting an Apartment and More: - Why you should not rent a furnished apartment, unless the furniture is brand new. Always rent unfurnished if you can. - Oriental Expat success stories in LA, and why Latinas won’t date them (unless of course they have money, and they usually do). - Great inside advice on selecting the city and neighborhood you want to rent/live in. - How to get a full-time, college educated, English speaking translator for 50 bucks a week (and why you’ll need one if you apartment hunt and don’t speak a lick of Spanglish). - How to avoid paying a deposit, get a free month’s rent, and still have your landlord love you.

The Expat Files

More Listener Emails: - More about crazy Spanish wording and unknown terms and conditions found in those funky Latin real estate ads. - Why when buying or renting a house from an old timer, they make a big deal about the the fixed phone line. Who cares!... especially when every shoe shine boy and cleaning lady has a cell phone? They care, and reason will surprise you. - (Almost) everything you need to know about cell phone service in Latin America,... including how to call the USA for as low as 3 cents a minute. - Why internet cafes are more common than shoeless street kids. And why they’re a cheap option (not the kids, the cafe's) but do bring a box of handiwipes. - How to get the latest Blackberry for 50 bucks (though it might be the very one stolen from you the day before). - How pompous rich Latins have such self-esteem issues that they must continuously impress their friends (and put on a ridiculous show for Expats). - Why your house will probably have a “servant’s quarters” whether you like it or not.

The Expat Files

The Business of Garbage- some awfully dirty subjects like sewage and waste disposal: - When in LA, the world is your trash can. The dirty little secrets of sewage disposal in Latin America, and why every lake, river and ravine is a sewer so 19th century diseases like cholera still persist. - The idiocy of 1st World “feel good” donations to Latin governments, and why bad oversight lets corrupt local bureaucrats take the money and run (but not before nice “feel good” embassy photo-op sessions and pretentious check presentation ceremonies). - The care and feeding of your septic tank (and why Latins just feed theirs until they burst). - What to do when your home builder starts cutting corners and improvising. Don’t let him or you’ll be sorry. - Garbage dumps everywhere (both legal and illegal, mostly illegal), and the subculture of families that live in them (oh yes they do, and it ain’t pretty).

The Expat Files

Listener email questions about real estate and water: - Crazy wording and unknown terms and conditions in those funky Latin real estate ads. - Why when buying or building a house you also need to purchase the phantom rights to a monthly volume of wter, at a price which doesn’t actually include the water itself, just the right to use it... then you get charged for it again! Confused yet? - Why your condo or house should always be connected to a private water well in your subdivision, in other words, avoid a municipal water hookup at all costs. - Don’t drink the tap water or the bottled water either, since its often tampered with, unregulated (and the locals don’t care).... but there are some excellent very inexpensive alternatives I highly recommend(even more than cheap beer and tequila). - Solar hot water, just what the doctor ordered, and the systems here are simple and dirt cheap. And even better(since it never freezes in most of LA) these units are zero maintenance, and that’s great news because down here the word maintenance doesn’t really exist.

The Expat Files

Listener Emails on Building or Buying a House - Tales from a Costa Rican construction project, or... why its so damn hard to fire your general contractor, even if he’s stealing from you... - Another lesson that proves Latin women are solid gold. - Latin scams, schemes and temptations.... and why most Latin men aren’t intentionally dishonest, they do exploit the trusting naivety of stupid Expats (like me). - Those ubiquitous Latin style 3rd World electric water heaters, a boring subject yes? But not so boring if you’re the one who gets the 220 volt jolt in the shower. - Here's yet another expat mystery no one can solve... half the electrical wiring jobs down here are so seriously substandard (and even downright dangerous), so why do so few people actually get fried? Is it the tequila, the tortillas, Jesus or just dumb luck? Take a guess.

The Expat Files

The Insider’s Tricks To Building a House In Latin America: - Building standards... if you don’t set them quite high right off the bat your contractor will set them the usual 3rd World way, and you’ll be sorry. - Chronic moisture problems... how after 500 years of building in the tropics, the Latin contractors still can’t stop a simple leak. And that means you’ll either have to train them yourself or grab a bucket and join in with the bailing. - Latin irony #2345... how water damage can be good for tourism (say what?). - A few more little things that drive expats nuts (especially women expats)... like closet mold that eats leather shoes...., and how to stay relatively sane and avoid such minor disasters. - Why you should keep clear of local paint brands and waterproofing agents, and why written guarantees are a joke.

The Expat Files

Furnishing Your House and the Black Art of Shipping Your Goods Down - The do’s and dont’s of shipping household goods and materials down to L.A. Why dealing with airport customs is so much easier than dealing with seaport customs and shipping containers. - Well known 1st World appliance names (are they even available?) –vs- the cheaper Latin brands that look just as nice... a word of warning. - The tricks of dealing with your shipping container at the Latin customs office and how to get a lowball tax break (just bring a sexy lady along- its a macho society after all). - Why you should never ship your antiques down, but why paridoxically, local antique hunting is a treasure hunter’s dream.

The Expat Files

Building and/or Buying a House: PART 5 - Costa Rica; the ‘Switzerland’ of Latin America, and other blatant lies. - Where the 'real' real estate deals are, and why newly abandoned single family construction projects are unbelievable bargans now that there's a huge housing surplus at the medium and high ends, and how to buy in for 25 cents on the dollar... peso, colon, lempira, quetzal, bolivar or whatever. - How to find good, honest, household help. The do’s and dont’s of hiring and firing workers and domestics. - Why Latins nearly always prefer Expat bosses over Latin ones.