The Expat Files: Living in Latin America

Expat Files - First-World Boss - 03/16/14

-Now some very valuable tips for anyone renting or buying a house, apartment or office space in Latin America. You can save yourself a world of hurt and frustration if you follow a few of these simple rules when shopping around for any living or office space.   

 

-Its well known that nearly all standard bathrooms in Latin America (even the ones in upper middle class homes) are much more than a notch or two down the hygiene scale compared to what we gringos are used to or expect. That said, one of the first things many of us do after settling into a new Latin homestead is to spend a few hundred bucks and upgrade the generally horrible bathrooms to our own (hopefully) much higher standards. But in trying to achieve that, do get ready for some unwanted surprises...it’s not quite as easy as it sounds... 

 

-Excerpts from a very revealing -and somewhat sad- interview with a humble gardener/maintenance man who’s been working for wealthy Latins and their families (and the occasional gringo in-between) for over 40 years. Its yet another true story that strongly confirms why average working-class Latins have come to believe so many positive stereotypes about gringos(whether true or not)… and why most Latins much prefer working for first-world bosses rather than their own occsionally abusive countrymen.  

 

-Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.

  

 

Expat Files - 03/14/14

-How really, really “BIG” business is usually done in Latin America… as opposed to the kind of small enterprises most of us gringos and expats get involved in.      

 

-In every Latin country there are 20 or so mega-wealthy land-owning families with a monopoly on basic agricultural commodities and traditional industries like coffee, sugar, tobacco, cement, electric utilities, steel, as well as some older technologies like radio and TV frequencies, stations, newspapers, etc. These entitled families traditionally buy politicians like candy … so they’ve been calling the shots politically for decades and thus easily squelch any local upstart competition (sound familiar?) But alas, in the past ten years first-world mega-companies like Nestle, Johnson and Johnson, Siemens, etc., with their first-rate marketing and advertizing machines have landed and are intent on conquering. Trans-nationals have their own kind of mega “gringo advantage” and as of late have been taking hefty bites out of the old-school moneyed class.

 Bottom line: the old money never had that kind of serious competition before (or really any kind of competition) so they’re scrambling. Many of these lumbering giants are so inflexible and land rich (with such top-to-bottom management sclerosis) that massive structural changes are in the works. As the old saying goes, “Oh how the mighty have fallen.” No, not that they’ve fallen yet... but some are teetering: and with the massive real estate bubble that old money is now heavily invested in… they will soon get duly burned. Hurray! It’s about time too!            

 

-Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.

  

Expat Files - Church on Sunday - 03/09/14

Few female expat wannabees and gonnabees truly understand the plight of women (of all socioeconomic classes) when living in a Latin macho society. True, a few first-world ladies have some knowledge of the male macho thing, but no gringa up north knows the full extent of the macho effect unless she’s actually dated (or married) a Latin guy up north, hung around with a Latin girlfriend or has been a frequent guest in a 100% Latin home.         

 

-Today we have another absolutely true expat story of a Canadian who landed way “off the gringo tourist trail” some 15 years ago. Our hockey man found Latin life so cheap, fun and easy that he ended up doing what so many single, lonely gringos do. He became a party animal and nearly became the poster boy for a Jimmy Buffet song. Then after striking it big in business, and finding his true Latina love and settling down, another weird expat life experience began…   

 

-Why do so many Latin adolescent boys and young men still go to church on Sunday when most don’t really believe in the ceremonial part at all and could easily get out of the weekly event with no family recriminations whatsoever? You’ll be surprised at the answer (or not!) and it has nothing to do with faith or guilt.

 

-Note that when you hit any Latin beach town, you’re bound to run into a few long term expats who have gone completely “native”. Here’s a short primer on that subject..       

 

-A word about those fabulous and famous local “Expat bars” you fond in every decent sized Latin city… and why you should try to avoid them as much as possible.

 

-Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.

Expat Files - Suegras - 03/07/14

-The Spanish language has many words with double and triple meanings. Meaning, even long term expats with seemingly impressive Spanish skills can screw up in casual conversation. Its a good thing Latins are so easy going and forgiving when it comes to language fax-pas (when coming from gringos). Yes, you guessed right… its part of our “gringo advantage” again. In fact we gringos and expats often get away with language blunders that would make your average Latin blush, or even run and hide. In that regard we expats are the clueless ones. Sometimes we wish the locals would clue us in, but most Latins are just too damn polite.           

 

-Every Latin mother and grandmother’s unspoken (and sometimes spoken) dream is to somehow lighten up and heighten up the family bloodline. In other words… having a gringo or gringa marry into the family.

 

-A word or two about having a Latin “mother-in law”(“suegra”) and how suegras differ quite a bit from the so called first-world bulldozer “mother-in-law” stereotype.

 

-Like us, Latins have their favorite foods and traditional dinner favorites. For them its refried beans, tacos, tamales and tortillas (though slowly but surely being repaced by Whoppers and Happy Meals). Aside from the traditional stuff, most Latins eat about ten times as many chiles and hot peppers as stateside folks do. Not only that, each person also eats at least ten times the number of lemons and citrus fruits as we do too. And a diet like that has very positive consequences and one very obvious negative one too....   

 

-Follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.

  

Expat Files - Snakes - 03/02/14

-One of the unspoken anxieties new expats have is a fear of snakes, bugs and unpleasant animals… some of which inevitably end up inside our homes. So why freak out about it? After all, most of Latin America is in the tropics and thus home to many super-sized spiders, insects and of course… snakes. Here’s what you might like to know regarding that creepy subject… and what to do about it.

 

-Latin cops are notorious for not showing up the day you call for their assistance. Many times they just don’t show up at all. Its a flip of a coin. But there are certain things one might say to the police dispatcher (provided they answer the phone at all) that will instantly make your call a priority… then once they arrive your gringo advantage will kick in.   

 

-People are always sending emails asking where, and how I do the Expat Files shows. Well today for example, I’m looking through a huge window from a cabin on a mountainside and staring at a number of very colorful tropical birds as they pick holes in a very large pendulant avocado. There are a few avocado trees of various species on this property all quite different in both look and taste. DYK: there are at least 12 different kinds of avocados? Unfortunately the very best type is so fragile that you'll probably never get a chance to try one at all in your life.      

 

-It takes most gringos and expats a season or two to get accustomed the sun, humidity, tropical weather and extended rainy seasons. The climate will certainly have a harsh effect on your house or office.  Here are some building and maintenance tips that will help you avoid the many headaches and common problems that Latins have simply learned to live with (but you really don’t have to).    

 

-Follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with Johnny. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America. Now you can discuss your situation one on one.

  

Expat Files - 02/28/14

-Some news about the obesity and diabetic explosion within the Latin working classes, and how at least one forward-thinking company is trying to its educate factory workers by setting down some unique workplace rules and examples (that surely wouldn’t be legal in Cleveland).   

 

-When eating in Latin seafood or sushi restaurants, beware of fake crab meat. No matter what the waiters or the owners say, it’s a good bet if your dead crustacean is not served in the shell its not real at all but more likely the disgusting processed stuff made of hydrolyzed protean soaked in red dye (shades of Red Lobster).

 

-Venezuela proposes a new law that would place a five year block on the passport of any citizen found protesting against the government. Don’t think it can’t happen in Cleveland. At home the Feds could easily ram through a law like that- all in the name of “national security” of course…     

 

-Things you should know about casual dress “gringo style” and the strange traditions regarding Latin formal wear for men. For example, tuxedos.

 

-Many hundreds of Spanish words sound very nearly like their English counterparts which means you’ll instantly get a close translation even if your Spanish sucks. However more often than not, the Spanish spelling of an “English” sounding word may be so weird that it will totally blow your mind.

 

-Follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.

  

Expat Files - 02/21/14

 

-By now long time listeners know all about the “Gringo Advantage”. They know it’s especially strong the farther one gets off the gringo tourist trail. But note that when you first get down to Latin America, sometimes when that “advantage” is alive and well and working nicely in your favor.and you don’t even know it. So today we have some examples of that phenomena.

 

-Maintaining a very low personal profile is very very difficult if not impossible when up in Hartford or Cleveland. However, you’d be amazed how easily it can be done here in Latin America. Now though it may seem ironic, in many cases the “gringo advantage” can actually help one keep a low profile!  

 

-A few things you should know about Latin ATM machines, Part 1.  

 

-RFID chips are now starting to appear on the latest Latin government ID documents: such as licenses and passports. But not to worry, as usual, Latin bureaucracies are missing some of the key pieces in the technology department. No surprise here. Guess what? So far, none of the RFID chips we have studies can actually be machine read or scanned.   

 -New, fresh gringos and expats can get bouts of loneliness,especially if they don't know any Spanish. One way to handily conquer that feeling and make quick, long-lasting friendships is just get a cheap ($50) guitar. And if you have absolutely no talent or rhythm at all... just buy a blues harmonica in the key of “F” ( 25 bucks). And no kidding, in one hour you will be able to make some pretty nice sounds.

 

-Follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.

The Expat Files - Colombia - 02/16/14

- Today, another expat story proving that when you’re off the tourist trail the “gringo advantage” rides again!

 

- Why you might not want to become an expat in Brazil: reasons #8646 through #8679.

 

-If you decide to move to one of the handful of Latin countries that are not much recommended for expats, that doesn’t mean there aren’t some choice little paradises in those countries still left to discover. Do search them out with “boots on the ground” since you won’t discover much about these little gems on the internet…. which is actually a good sign you know. Little or no web PR is what helps make great off-the-radar destinations for expats. If that’s your goal, here are some general guidelines to help you on that search.

 

-With Colombia getting recent high marks from the first-world travel press like the AARP, International Living and a host of retirement newsletters, its no surprise that it didn't take more than a few short years for the top big Colombian cities like Cartagena, Cali, Bogota, Medellin to become first world expensive…. that is, if you want to live in a nice neighborhood. So if Colombia’s become first-world expensive, why go there? Well maybe because its beautiful, the people are educated, the weather’s perfect and there is no Big Brother, or even a hint of oppressive government. 

 

-We talk a lot about the so called ‘gringo advantage” but what about first-world Europeans? Do they have a kind of similar ‘European advantage” when in Latin America? You’ll be surprised to know that Latins themselves have very strong opinions- negative and positive stereotypes- regarding different European ethnic groups. So depending on the European country of origin, some folks have more of an advantage than others(socially speaking at lest).               

-Follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.

The Expat Files - 02/14/14

-What every potential expat must know about the art and science of parking a car in Latin America:

-If you have a nice late model car or have any kind of items or packages in your car, parking lots and on-street parking can be unsafe. But of course we must all go shopping and occasionally drive here and there... sometimes loaded down with computers, boxes packages and other valuable stuff. So then, what parking options and precautionary measures should one take to secure and protect items left behind when leaving a car in a public lot or on the street?

-In Latin America private security guys armed with shotguns seem to be everywhere. Scary stuff, right? Well not quite. But its true that its quite unnerving for new expats when they see uniformed armed guards with shotguns riding along in Pepsi and water trucks.

-Did you know that if you have car insurance in Latin America and are unlucky enough to get into multiple accidents, your premiums will not go up. And surprisingly enough, companies will not drop or threaten to drop a client as long as the premiums are paid … no matter how stupidly one drives. I personally know some very, very bad drivers… and even they have not tested the patience, or limits, of their car insurance companies yet.

-Follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.

The Expat Files - Parking Games - 02/09/14

-Part 2 of what to expect (and what you should do) if you’re pulled over by the cops or the transit police. Note that Latin cops are generally calm and non-confrontational. All in all, when dealing with Latin cops you’ll find it’s a totally different and usually a much more relaxed and friendly experience than what you might be used to when dealing with our more edgy and confrontational cops up north. But also note that all bets are off when dealing with Mexican cops!

 

-Want to know what happens if a gringo or expat gets nailed in Latin America on a DUI charge?

 

-Parking games in Latin America: The unwritten rules of neighborhood on-street parking (i.e., how to get your gringo advantage clipped).

 

-A discussion of speed limits, driving regulations,vehicle safety, and many other over-optimistic Latin fantasies.

 

-Do Latin cops eat Latin doughnuts?

 

-Follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private consultation with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, now you and I can talk about your situation one on one.